I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
