hotel room ftw
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
