Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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