I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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