He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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