I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
