I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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