Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
