You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
