Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
