i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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