My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
