I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
