Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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