god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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