whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
