I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
