You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
