Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
