I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
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