No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
