Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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