I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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