i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
