when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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