I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
