I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
