we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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