She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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