I can't watch pbs sober anymore
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
