dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
