Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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