since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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