I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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