I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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