I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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