Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
