You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
