I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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