I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I deserve this hangover.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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