tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
