Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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