i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
