Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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