You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
