Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
