You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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