I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
ttyl tear gas
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
