i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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