I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
