She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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