I wish my penis had an off switch
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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